Not that I’ve tested this theory or anything of the sort (insert look of innocence and vehement shake of head here). From one professional…errr…amateur to another, here is my guide to Surviving Valentine’s Day.
- Have lots and lots (and lots) of your favorite chocolate on hand.
- Have lots and lots of sex! (Any kind!) (Note: Can be substituted with eating lots of chocolate if sex is unavailable.)
- Have a padlock and lockable container on hand. Take laptop battery, laptop power cord, desktop power cord, cellphone and any version of your “little black book” and lock up in said container. Immediately drive to your most trusted friend’s home, hand over locked container containing aforementioned items and inform her/him that you will be back tomorrow to pick up the “evil” container.
- Banish all thoughts of calling him, googling him or driving by his place (this includes his girlfriend’s also).
- Rent “John Tucker Must Die” or anything similar (must evoke 3 episodes of guffawing laughter and a couple of unfeminine snorts – MINIMUM!)
- Order or pickup take out
- Settle onto your bed with all the pillows you can find, your favorite comforter, “John Tucker” vid, chocolate, take out and anything else you find comforting.
- Watch the video/dvd…including all the previews.
- Laugh as hard as you can muster
You’ll fall peacefully asleep sooner than you can say, “John Tucker Must Die” and find yourself waking up to your alarm with Valentine’s day long gone…and soon, long forgotten…til next year, then repeat.
(Recipe also conducive to groups of single -or not so single- friends.)
