The difference? Last year, you loved me.
2012 Relay For Life of Ann Arbor MI: Ms. Debrah Ann Mori Retuyan | The American Cancer Society – 2012 Relay For Life of Ann Arbor MI
On a whim, I decided to tag along with a friend to visit the pups & kittens at a nearby pet shelter. We found ourselves at Humane Society of Huron Valley in Ann Arbor, Michigan. I was not prepared to fall in love with all the pets there. And that is putting it mildly.
I’ve laughed at friends for the past few months when they said I should adopt a pet. I said that I barely knew how to take care of myself out here, much less a helpless, dependent animal. I went on to add that even if I could care for him/her, I wasn’t home long enough to care for them properly. What I didn’t mention was that I just didn’t think I was much of an animal person. Oh, I’ve had pets before. But the kids have always taken care of them. And my Samantha (cat) was so spoiled by everyone at home, she didn’t much seek my attention unless…well, unless I was pretty much the only one at home. The pets I’ve known have never really needed me.
So I was fine cooing at the kittens & regal-looking adult cats. They were at the front of the shelter. The dogs were more to the back of the building. And I made my way to them. I was greeted by a huge St. Bernard, snubbed by a snooty toy pup and barked at by a German Shepherd. But I fell in love with a dog who whimpered when I approached. He looked up at me with the loneliest, saddest eyes that I found myself instantly fighting tears. He leaned up against the bars – the entire length of his body – and begged to be petted. He looked so very…broken. I leaned in to pet him, desperately fighting not to bawl in front of the other visitors. He was just as lonely and prolly even more sad than I have been in the past few months. I wanted to take him home with me so badly. I wanted to fix the loneliness that was so very familiar. My heart breaks to know that there are pets there who are just as lonely as I and just as sad as I have been…
I haven’t done a great job at keeping my blog sufficiently updated. I’ll tell different stories as they come up, I promise. For now, I hope a synopsis will suffice.
Last summer, I realized that I had been at what was supposed to be a college job for almost 10 years. While I had successfully been promoted from receptionist to office manager within that time, I didn’t feel very accomplished…especially with a degree collecting dust at home.
I’m not sure if I was entirely clear in a blog I posted last year, but I had taken the LSATs…twice (I didn’t like my first score). So I quite simply took my LSAT score, asked a few close friends for recommendation letters & applied to law school. I wasn’t sure that I would really go until a day last summer when my daughter sarcastically remarked that I was never really going to leave because, “Mommy always says but never actually goes.” I had already been accepted to the school I had applied to but was sitting on the decision. I mailed in my acceptance & deposit that same day.
So I’ve been at law school in cold Ann Arbor, Michigan since August of this year. I completed my first (torturous) term & am now back on my island home for a (really) short Christmas break. Sadly, it’s just about time to leave again.
I was asked today if I was ready to return back stateside. I answered with a simple, “no.” The whole truth is that I am not ready to give up real sunshine that actually warms my skin. I’m not ready to go back to a silent apartment void my children’s laughter. I’m not ready to give in to anxiety about last term’s finals. Nor am I ready to begin a new term of torture.
I have yet to go scuba diving. I haven’t yet seen all the people I’ve missed. I haven’t visited the beach enough, run in the sweltering heat enough, laughed enough, caught up enough.
I am just not yet…enough.
I admit, being brave takes one pretty far. Bravery (and maybe something else, but we’re not gonna go there…just yet) gets you packed up, on a plane and God knows how many miles away from the home you’ve known all your life. Being brave gives you the strength to puzzle together furniture you never realized had so many pieces…and only with a mini multi-purpose tool, mind you. And being brave forces you to eat sandwiches daily until you have your budget all figured out. Being brave gets you on a bus you have only a slight idea the direction it is heading. Being brave makes you invest thousands of dollars into an institution filled with others only a little over half your age. And being brave, for the most part, fights through minimal hours of sleep and maximum hours of non-stop reading and studying.
But let me tell you what being brave doesn’t do. It doesn’t bother showing up during those down times when your mind starts to wander. It doesn’t comfort you when you open the refrigerator to find that the bag of apples (that would’ve disappeared the moment your daughter got a hold of it) is still there. It doesn’t ask how your day went. It doesn’t listen to you rattle off essay questions and answers. It doesn’t reassure you when you mess up. It doesn’t even deter you from finally breaking down and crying. It doesn’t offer you kisses nor hugs nor unbridled love. It just stands there and is brave.
I appreciate your uhhh…gallant efforts to mask evidence of your previous activities. Really, I do. The cologne you
showered in very liberally doused on almost perfectly complemented the emanating liquor remnants. But it may have slightly failed you (and me…and prolly other bus patrons) in veiling…well…uhm…pee.
I ran across this blog while searching for college-conducive (read as:
cheap inexpensive) ways to not only stay clothed but to also stay warm here in this new life I’m leading in freezing-cold Michigan. And while I did find boots at an insanely low price, I also found other things I would’ve given my right hand for about 2 months ago when I moved here and was rubbing pennies together. Now, I’m looking for deals that will hopefully keep me from that status again during the 2-3 years I plan on being a full-time student, without a job. Thanks Frugal!
Minorities in a minority. As much as I struggle with just that fact, I realize that, to have some semblance of inner peace, I must first take a position on how I choose to resolve these types of incessant issues. Do I let passion guide my thoughts and thus my actions or must I conscientiously moderate instinctive passion and let rationale govern…
That said…I do believe I should only rightfully award a new (sorely missed) BOM Award. Congratulations, Mayor!